That’s a weird phrase isn’t it? For one thing to not only be better than all it’s contemporary peers but to also be better than everything that’s ever existed. It’s quite a bold statement really.

So what makes me choose one movie as the greatest of all time? Hit the jump writers and let’s discuss.

So let’s address the question of how one determines what is or isn’t the best.

A good friend of mine, who I aliased as John Smith in another article, once told me about a musical award show. Having done some digging it was probably the 1996 Grammy’s. In it, they were going to determine best new artist of that year.

Two of the nominees:
<>  Alanis Morissette
<>  Shania Twain.

Look, I don’t claim to be an expert on everything Alanis Morissette or everything Shania Twain but I know enough to know that those two are very, very different. They are the epitome of apples and oranges. John’s point?  How does one really compare them?  Can one really be ranked better than the other?

Measure twice, cut once

So I decided to make my own criteria for the best movie of all time. Considering that both Citizen Kane as well as Ernest Goes to Camp both exist, I knew that my criteria would have to be generic enough to encompass all movies.

First thing’s first. There has to be good action in it. I like action scenes so, sure, I’ll put it so one of the heavier weighted criteria would be action. Whatever takes first place better have a ton of action.

Then I realized, well, I also like to laugh. The best movie has to score high in the funny department.

So in theory something like a Rambo movie could win because it has a ton of action. Or a movie like The Whole Nine Yards could win due to its humor.

There’s some other factors but I think you get the idea, writers.

Drumroll please

I made a list and I checked it twice. The best movie…of all time…is Deadpool!

Seems kind of odd for me to even say it.  But yes, I’m serious with that choice.  If you go by the metrics, it makes perfect sense.

Hear me out for a second.  For action?  I loved the part where Deadpool shoots three guys in the head at once.  Beautiful shot.  Action-wise Deadpool had gunplay, swordplay, and well…play.  10/10.

For the laughter?  I think I enjoyed every part with Negasonic Teenage Warhead.  And, I’ll never forget the part where Deadpool wanted to collect every gun at his disposal.  We see the montage and it is a large number of guns.

DMX is playing and they’re doing the slow-mo walk and I’m ready for some action scenes.  Oh yeah, here it comes.  Then the question is asked, “Hey, where’s your duffle bag?”

I laughed so hard at that.  I’m sure people in the front row and the back row of the theater could hear me loud and clear.  I’m smiling as I type this.  It was such an incredible moment.

Then it dawned on me, I’ve never laughed like that in other action movies.  There’s comedy in other movies but I’ve never laughed that hard.  That part in Captain America:  Winter Soldier where Cap is outrunning Falcon and he says “On your left” and Falcon says “Don’t say it…don’t you say it!  Come on!”

Good for a chuckle.  And a fun reminder on what it would be like to race Captain America in a sprint or a marathon.

But I didn’t laugh…as hard as I did in Deadpool.

Then, for the coup de grâce for any movie competing for the top spot, there’s the moment when Deadpool tries to hurt Colossus and proceeds to do nothing but break his own hands/feet/body parts.

On top of that, I’d also give the movie an Honorable Mention. It’s the most true-to-source comic book movie I’ve seen.  For instance, I really enjoyed Man of Steel, but let’s be real here, the Superman in that movie is not the Supes I know from the comics.

Meanwhile, Deadpool had fourth-wall-breaking dialogue and random sex jokes.  All super appropriate for a Deadpool movie.

Baaah

Now if I were to leave Deadpool as my ‘greatest of all time’ I could live with that.  I had a great time watching that movie.

But here’s the weird thing, I think I know what second place is:  It’s The Big Hit (1998) starring Mark Wahlberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Christina Applegate.  I enjoyed the action in that as well and I definitely laughed really hard at the jokes.

Somehow though, that just feels…wrong.  I don’t think The Big Hit should outrank other movies that I’ve really enjoyed like Wonder Woman, Logan, or The Greatest Showman.

Therein lies the problem with “ranking” movies and establishing what’s best.  At some point the criteria make the judgment pull an outlier to the side, or to the front, and everything seems…wrong.

Would you like fries with that?

I really enjoyed Deadpool.  It had both action and comedy.  So…should every action movie have comedy?  That certainly sounds like an easy win.

No, writers.  Just no.

Things that get shoehorned in almost always feel that way.  Comedy that has no place and is added as an afterthought usually just ruin the good points.  I’m looking at you Iron Man 3 and Thor:  Ragnarok.  Seriously, Superhero Fatigue.

I believe that combining genres can work, but we would need a really good reason to do so.  Done correctly, it’s pretty impressive.  For instance, I really enjoyed The Princess Bride.  It felt like I was watching two or three movies in one but I enjoyed everything in it.

Meanwhile, I saw something recently that felt like seven movies in one.  I thought that it should have ended at one point that…well, wasn’t the ending.  Do we really need to know what the brother’s roommate’s friend’s cousin is doing?  Sometimes we do, but usually we don’t.

So here’s something to chew on, writers.  Whatever you’re working on now, try cropping out a part of it that would fit a different genre.  For instance, I’m working on something with action in it (surprise, I know), and I’m going to try to take out the love interest.  This is just an exercise and I could always revert back.

I find that when I do this I generally wind up with a better story.  Either the changes will help me or I will solidify the things that are working.  Either way, it’s a win.

So what do you think, writers?  What do you consider the best movie ever?  Sound off in the comments! 🙂

Aloha,
Alvin

P.S. Here is your quote of the day:  “The difference between reality and fiction? Fiction has to make sense.” — Tom Clancy