Hey, writers. I recently did some painting. If you’ve ever done any kind of artwork before, I hope you can enjoy what I’m writing here.

Hit the jump, and let’s begin.

A little bit of background: the majority of my drawing history comes from pencil with a bit of “Sharpie” (sometimes a literal Sharpie and sometimes digital drawing with one line weight with one thickness).

With that said, let’s do this.

Dear Paintbrush,

I can’t wait to work with you. I’ve seen so much of your work. The more I hear about your exploits the more I want to do this. Can’t wait to begin!

Signed,

AlohaAlvin

 

*picks up Paintbrush, holds bucket of water, moves over the various colors of paint*

*begins painting* Ew. No.

Dear Paintbrush,

What the hell? Why can’t you be more like Sharpie? Are you ready? I can’t tell if you’re ready. Can you comb your hair? I’ve tried to style your hair in a Mohawk, I’ve tried even the dollop of whip cream on top. You keep changing your style, Paintbrush. Sharpie is always ready. I never have to prep Sharpie.

Frustrated,

AlohaAlvin

*dips Paintbrush in the bucket of water*

*tries painting again*

 

Paintbrush,

I don’t understand. You looked so ready! I put water in your hair…and it was too much! I dabbed it off with a towel…then it was too little! Sharpie doesn’t require water, you know.

Ugh,

AlohaAlvin

*after meticulous, painstaking attention to the amount of water on the Paintbrush*

*tries to paint again. This time a tiny dot…and it’s a huge mess!*

 

Paintbrush!

I don’t understand it. I put only the smallest amount of pressure and your hair was twirled to a perfect point. Somehow, a giant inkblot comes out. What’s the deal, Paintbrush?

You know, Sharpie never drips. Sharpie even comes with a cap. I can throw Sharpie across the room or turn Sharpie upside down and nothing bad ever happens. What the eff, Paintbrush?

Confused,

AlohaAlvin

 

*grits teeth while holding Paintbrush*

*puts Paintbrush down*

…

…

… … …

*picks Paintbrush up again*

Picasso was able to paint this…in a cave! With a box of scraps!

Writers, not gonna lie, I had some variation of these thoughts the entire time I was painting today. Holy crap. To put it mildly, I’ve spent more time with (normal, good-for-homework) pens and pencils than I ever will with paintbrushes. But still. BRUH. I felt like a caveman with a rock pounding on dirt.

The sick thing is…I know it’s me. I know the greats before me were able to paint incredible things. I think of all the times that I’ve had to turn a paper upside down so that I could “get a better angle” on the line I was drawing. Then I think of people who paint giant pieces of artwork up the side of a building. Simply incredible. Then, of course, people in the Sistine Chapel and how they literally had to paint upside down (I assume, I actually have no idea how they did what they did). Ridiculous.

And then it’s like…man, it isn’t that I’m too good for the paintbrush…the paintbrush is too good for me.

Aloha,
Alvin

P.S. Holy crap. What a learning experience. I know I have a much, much longer road ahead of me than I thought. Having said that, I look forward to it 🙂

P.P.S. Fall seven. Rise eight.